Plan No Plans

As I look over the notes of this nascent school year, I see that I am in danger of falling into every year’s most grievous trap. I double-check my calendar. Most of the months have scribbled notes along the margins. Ideas for an artist’s unit study, a music unit study, saints of the day, a liturgical feast, parties, and what-not are all there. What have I done wrong?

Overbooked our days.

My biggest mistake as a rookie homeschooler was: oversocializing. In my desperate attempt to conquer my concern for my children’s social life, I went to the other extreme and signed my children up for everything. Ballet, soccer, gymnastics, faith formation class, a nature center course, basketball. I wanted to be able to rattle off an impressive list of social events when people asked me, “But what about socialization?”

Yes, I knew all the arguments. I knew to clarify the differences between socializing and socialization. And yet, the spoken concern of family members touched a nerve. And I overcompensated for it.

In rushing my children to classes and park days and play dates, I stole their time for daydreams, planning games and fun, reading books, studying the pattern of clouds, whispering secrets and just relaxing in the knowledge that they are loved. Because of my own misplaced desire to provide them with opportunities for friendship and learning, I did not give them time to absorb and ponder anything.

“I think you should learn, of course, and some days, you must learn a great deal. But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything. And you can feel it inside you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you just accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them. It’s hollow.” (from “From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil Frankweiler” by E.L. Konigsburg)

The Importance of Downtime

After I was placed on bed rest for a difficult pregnancy, I had nothing but relaxed days at home. Once a week, a friend and her children would come for a play date. That was it. And during those long months, my children drew beautiful murals on butcher paper along the walls in the room where I rested. They read stories to each other and brought me flowers and insects caught in glasses from our garden. Sometimes, Miguel lapsed into quiet and colored in his books. Essie worked on her mazes and put countless shows for me. The conversations we had filled those cool autumnal afternoons. After five months of overwrought activity, I finally appreciated the sweetness of my children’s thoughts and dreams during the months of bed rest.

Once the baby was born, I fought to make up for those presumably lost months. I overbooked us again, only to learn once more that children crave downtime. Even the most spirited, highly sociable child, as my daughter is, needs time to enjoy the gentle relaxed atmosphere of the family’s home. It is in the quiet moments of a routine that we take more notice of the presence of God in our lives and that we are most keenly aware of the gifts that He has given us … and of how much we rely on His mercy and grace.

What We Do Now

Our calendar still holds park days with our local homeschooling group, play dates with friends and meals with extended family. However, what has changed is the frequency of some of those events (for example, a play date every two weeks rather than two play dates every week). Since we made changes to our schedule, we have all been more relaxed, happier and less stressed.

Ways to prevent overbooking:

• Make your home a gentle, loving place. You won’t want to spend time home if it’s too cluttered or too neat, or if you find yourself spending every moment doing chores or seatwork. Set up your home as a place where you want to be with your loved ones. Create a prayer corner, establish a reading nook. Block off downtime in your day so you, too, can have some time to read, play with the kids or just daydream. It’s not impossible.

• Learn when to say no. I said yes to everything until I realized that I’d never please everybody and yet still be a stress case. Now, I carefully weigh invitations to dinners or events; community classes for the kids, etc. I don’t always say no, but I don’t always say yes.

• Prioritize. You can’t do everything. It’s a fact. Give yourself permission to let go of things that are just cluttering up your emotional closet with their demands. Choose what matters most to you and live accordingly.

• Block off days … and stick to it. I have empty spaces on my calendar. And if someone calls me up for something on that day, I tell them, “I’m sorry, we can’t get together on that day.” It’s not a lie. It’s true. We can’t meet up with others on that day because we’re at home, relaxing and reading and playing. Even the good Lord gave Himself a day off.

Since I finished writing this post, I have made some changes to our fall schedule. Rather than two sports classes, Miguel will take one. And Essie chose gymnastics over ice skating. I said “I’m sorry, I can’t” to teaching a Sunday school class. I said “yes” to helping with written materials for faith formation classes. I delegated the planning of field trips to our homeschool group members. I agreed to this and that; I declined more.

With a few more nips and tucks, we’ll have more of those sweet days at home.

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Veronica Maria has a degree in journalism and worked with words for years before she became a full-time mom. She writes about homeschooling at her blog, Pixilated School Notes, and freelances as a writer and an editor. Her most-beloved works-in-progress, though, are her three children.

Photo by foreverdigital

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