Homeschooling our oldest daughter was a relatively easy decision to make. Whether or not to homeschool middle daughter, on the other hand, is considerably more difficult, and although she’s currently 3 years old, we’re still very uncertain as to her educational future. Children are all unique; many will thrive when educated at home, and some will excel in public or private school. Sometimes the decision is quick and easy, sometimes it’s not. And when the child in question has special needs, it can become even more complex.
Immediately after our second daughter was born, she began having seizures. Not long after that an MRI revealed that a prenatal stroke had devastated roughly 50% of her brain. She spent the next two weeks in the NICU, and much of that is a blur to me.
Although her brain damage was quite severe, upon discharge the doctors were optimistic. She seemed so perfect to me, it was hard to accept this insidious injury that I couldn’t even see. In the months that came we began weekly physical and occupational therapy, and other than minor issues, she acted much like any other baby. When she turned, she was still unable to sit herself up (but she was so close, propped up on just one arm!) Every little milestone brought me to tears, and I realized acutely how much I had taken for granted with my first daughter.
School seemed so far off, I never thought about it. I put all my energy into helping her learn to do things like walk (and bawled when she took her first independent steps shortly before her 2nd birthday), use eating utensils (something she’s still working on), and manipulate toys (she’s finally getting that down!).
As age three approached, and she transitioned out of our state’s Early Intervention program (a government program that provides services for children 0-3 years with developmental delays and other issues), I finally had to face the schooling issue head on. Part of the transition involves the offer of an evaluation by the local school district’s special education department and the use of a free developmental preschool to qualifying children.
After a lot of gut-wrenching and worrying, I declined.
It’s hard to pinpoint why. Although my daughter’s language skills have been growing by leaps and bounds recently, she still communicates at a level far below a 3 year old. The thought of putting her with strangers when she can’t tell me what’s going on out of my sight completely panicked me. Outside of my husband and I, my mother is the only other person whose care she’s been under. And, rightly or wrongly, every news story I’d ever read about special needs children being abused in schools ran on a constant reel through my head.
And so I declined. Whether it was because it was best for her or because I was too afraid, I’m not sure. As time went on, I began to second-guess my decision. As I mentioned, her language really took off, and she’s been much better able to communicate events to me. While she always has fun in groups of children, she’s quite obviously “different,” particularly when within her specific age group. I began to think to myself that perhaps it would be beneficial to her to spend some time around other children with unique needs and abilities. And maybe I saw that at least part of my reason behind declining the special education services had to do with my fears about how I would handle it and not so much about how she would handle it.
And…remember that elementary school? The one I live right next to? Well…that’s where the developmental pre-school is. Realistically, I can drop in unannounced to check on her quite easily, and if she desperately needs me, a 3 minute walk will put her in mama’s arms.
And so I decided there is no harm in having her evaluated. Although I’m waiting to hear back about scheduling that evaluation, at this point I feel good about the idea of having her attend one or two days a week. I think it will be good for us both.
Homeschooling parents should never feel their hands are tied when it comes to their children with special needs! Your local school district is required by federal law to offer special education services to your child; however, you are not required to accept. Our reasons for homeschooling or not homeschooling our children with special needs are as unique and varied as the reasons for homeschooling or not homeschooling our children without special needs. There is no one size fits all answer, but as always, when our decisions are made with love and respect to our children as unique individuals, we can be confident that we will meet their needs and help them all do the best they possibly can!
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Very well-said. I think that you have captured the very heart of good parenting — doing what is best for each individual child.
I don’t know exactly what you’re going through but I know it’s hard when ANY mama has to make those tough decisions for their children and all the while praying you’re doing what’s best…so be encouraged, you are keeping your child’s best interest at heart and THAT is what’s important!!