It is not uncommon for homeschooling parents to find themselves in the position of being questioned about their schooling choices…or for any parents to find themselves being questioned about their parenting choices, for that matter. The problem of unsupportive family and friends is not unique to homeschooling parents.
The problem isn’t really the unsupportive family and friends, however. The point where the problem really starts tends to be the point where we, as parents, begin defending our choices and trying to convince the other party that our choices are right — when we try to make them agree with us. The sends the signal that the choice in question is up for discussion or debate. If the choice *is* open for debate, then, feel free to go ahead and have the conversation with the opposing party.
However, if the choice is *not* open for debate, it’s time to pass the bean dip.
Why are you all homeschooling little Suzie? What about socialization?
Actually, Suzie has lots friend. Could you pass the bean dip?
What if you don’t teach little Johnny everything he needs to know? How is he ever going to get into college?
Johnny has lots of options for college. Could you pass the bean dip?
What about all the things that Mary is going to miss out on by not being in school?
Mary is enjoying a very well-rounded childhood. Could you pass the bean dip?
Of course, if the questions are being asked by well-meaning loved ones who really do have your children’s best interest at heart, there’s nothing wrong with explaining your choices. Often, I’ve found that the support comes a couple of years into homeschooling when the grandparents begin to see that you really *can* teach your child at home and he really *does* have friends. When the support doesn’t come, though, or the discussion becomes a debate, it’s okay to pass the bean dip with even the grandparents.
And, it’s okay to say, “We love you and we know that you love little Suzie, however, we are her parents. This is not a decision that we have made lightly and we feel that it is the right choice for our family. We would love your support, but our decision is not open for discussion or debate.”
Somehow, though, it’s a lot more fun to say, “Could you pass the bean dip, please?”
Kris is the sweet-tea-drinking, classically eclectic, slightly Charlotte Mason, homeschooling mom to her three Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers.
photo by seabamirum
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I really enjoyed this post. I often have been drilled the questions you mentioned and then some. and I have often felt I needed to defend that decision. I love your approach… The truth is our decision to homeschool will not change by someone’s opinion or perspective, so why even put it up for debate. You’ve given me something to think about. :)