Recently my daughter Savannah, who is in fifth grade, came inside from playing in the neighborhood with some friends. She was a bit upset about something one of the other kids had said to her. She told me that her feelings were hurt. I asked her what was said.
It turns out that one of the kids was telling her that homeschooled students were stupid and that the only way you can really learn is to go to school like she (the little girl) does.
Savannah began to tell the girl that she and her siblings were just as smart as any other child who goes to school. The girl wouldn’t let her talk though and continued to berate Savannah and tell her just how stupid she thought all homeschoolers are.
Savannah was so upset. As a homeschooler she has not run into other kids who are so mean and rude. She is surrounded by constant acceptance by her family and all her homeschooled friends. Sure she has many friends who go to regular school but none have ever called her stupid or made sweeping remarks about “all homeschoolers”. As much as I hated for her to experience that it was a lesson that she probably needed to learn.
One of the great benefits to homeschooling is that we are able to protect our kids for a longer period of time from situations we deem to be not good for them. However, in the course of growing up, our children do need to be exposed to some adversity so that they are able to learn and grow from those experiences too. I found that this experience Savannah was having was a perfect opportunity to teach her several things.
The first thing I felt she needed to understand was that no matter how right we feel in our decision to do something a particular way, be it homeschooling or some other endeavor in life, there will always be someone who thinks that we should be doing it a different way. No two people agree on everything and we need to learn to be secure in our decisions. We should have an open mind and listen to others’ opinions but in the end we really should be happy with our decisions and know that they are best for us… not others, but us.
The second thing I hoped she would take away from the experience was how to actually deal with someone who was being so mean to her. It was important to me that I teach her not to be mean back; that she could explain our reasoning for homeschooling and perhaps show her or tell her about some of the things she is learning about. She could ask that they share what each of them know. If the girl didn’t know about some of the things Savannah knew then maybe Savannah could teach her. By not being mean back she could hopefully open the girls eyes to different ways of learning. The old adage, “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar” definitely could apply here!
The third thing I really hoped she could take away from the situation was that no matter if the two of them ever could agree on this schooling debate they could still be friends. I wanted her to know that friends often disagree on many things but that isn’t what defines a friendship. If they could concentrate on the things that they have in common, instead of focusing on the things that they disagree on, they would be much happier and less likely to argue about those things they don’t see eye to eye on. Being respectful is very important and even if you don’t understand another person’s position on something it doesn’t mean you should be mean or hurtful to them.
We talked about what the girl said and how it made Savannah feel. We talked about how she could handle the situation and that if in the end the girl was still being mean to her that perhaps the best thing would be to walk away from the situation and find someone else to play with. I was anxious to see what would happen.
The next day when the girl came to play again she started telling Savannah again how stupid she thought homeschoolers are. Savannah then began to tell her some of the things she is learning about right now (with the early settlers and the original colonies being her favorite topic). The girl stopped and asked Savannah how she knew so much. Savannah smiled and said, “Because I’m homeschooled”. The girl decided that maybe, just maybe, some homeschoolers might be smart afterall. The following day when she came to play again she actually apologized. It made Savannah feel so good that she was able to show this girl that homeschoolers are like any other kid… full of knowledge but just learning it in a different way.
Not all learning comes from books or lessons that we prepare ahead of time. Some of the most important ones we teach our children are the ones that will last them a lifetime and will mold them into the people they will become. I feel so fortunate that I get to be a part of that each and every day.
You can find Michelle writing about her amazing family on her blog, Pass The Flu Bug Please.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
It makes me wonder what adult has been filling this girl’s head with prejudice.
I was thinking the same thing Treasureseeker posted. She didn’t come up with that on her own.
Wonderful lessons. Thank you for posting it.
We went through name-calling with a fellow homeschooler and my son had to learn that we don’t need to be friends with everyone, esp. when they are not friendly. It broke my heart. But I think he’s learned and won’t allow himself to be name-called by “friends” like I did growing up.
My daughters – ages five and seven – have dealt with it from their eight-year-old cousin. Their cousin delights in making comments that degrade my girls and indicate that, compared to her, they are stupid. At first it made me angry especially knowing my sister-in-law fed those comments (and makes similar ones to my husband and me). But, as I watch my girls interact with their cousin, I am so incredibly proud. They show her love, don’t take her criticism to heart, and stand proud of who they are and the fact that they are home schooled. Now I’m thankful that they have had to deal with criticism from someone they love so early in life because they have learned such incredible lessons from it – and have even begun convincing their cousin and aunt without even realizing it!
Thank you for your stories as well! I agree that this girl had to hear it somewhere and most of the time I think that’s from the adults they are with. It’s a shame that they are teaching their children this kind of prejudice. We teach our children so many things without them realizing it… the good and the bad. I’m so happy that I’m able to help them sort through those things.
Thank you again!
Michelle,
Thank you so much for your post. I have been fearful of my children experiencing “mean kids” or just adversity from non-homeschooled children. Maybe, I should spend more time being comfortable w/why we homeschool and also help my children understand why we do.
This was such a great learning opportunity for your daughter. Way to go homeschooling mom.
Thank you so much for this post! My son has been going through this and someone gave me a link to this story. I read it and had him read it also so he knows he is not alone. We talked about it and he is going to try to explain himself and our school next time this happens. Thanks again!
Thank you for your comments! It means a lot to me that our experiences can help others. Homeschooling can be so rewarding but it is also stressful at times. We never want our kids to have to go through hard times but I also know that it’s times like these that not only help them grow but help us (as parents and teachers) grow as well.
We provide our kids with so many lessons but sometimes the lessons that mean the most are the ones where we teach our kids how to react in the best manner to a given situation. It’s a difficult lesson to both teach and learn. I appreciate that there are others out there who are both learning and teaching with me!