Discipline With a Learning Twist

Some who don’t have older children yet might be scratching your heads saying to themselves, “And that’s a big deal why?” While those of you who do have older children or who have been around older children are probably wondering what I’ve done to enjoy this kind of “luck”.

Over the years I have found that there are things worth putting my foot down over (manners, respect, etc) and others that just don’t warrant all my attention (if their rooms are spotless, are all the toys put up, etc). Still as I’ve added more children to my family I have found that there are certain areas that we have to be firm on, not because I particularly want to, but because I have to for the family to function right. Chores have to be done and kids have to get along (or at least pretend to get along and not continuously argue) so that the house runs smoothly and we aren’t always flustered or cluttered.

My children don’t receive an allowance for doing their chores. It is just expected that as part of the family you pitch in. We’ve never had an issue with this and most of the time the kids just naturally do their chores and help out. I’ve been told we are lucky that the kids help. I say it’s just being consistent and firm and starting them out young! They don’t know any different. Life has always been that you help.

One thing I have noticed though with my children (and it’s been driving me crazy!) is that the girls who are closest in age are starting to argue more. I know that being with each other 24/7 is not easy. When your classmates are also your roommates who are also your dining buddy and your outside friends, well, sometimes you just have had enough! That can lead to arguing which can lead to a very stressed out Mama.

I decided to nip this problem in the bud and in the process teach my kids several lessons at the same time. I devised a “ticket system” where the kids would be given tickets at the beginning of each week. Throughout the week they can either earn extras for good behavior or for helping out in ways not normally expected of them, or they can lose tickets by arguing with each other, not doing their chores or any other “negative” type behavior. The older kids obviously started out with more tickets than the younger ones and they lose more easily than the younger ones as well (but they can earn more too). At the end of the week we tally up what they have left of the original tickets given to them at the beginning of the week plus what they have earned as extras.

After we tally we pull out the “treasure box” full of goodies I have been collecting (lots of dollar store items but others that I have found on sale or that I know they really want). Each item has a ticket value to it and if they have enough tickets they can purchase an item. I have things that only cost a few tickets right up to things that cost 100s of tickets. We also have prizes that are not included in the box but are much more expensive that they have to really work and save to buy. Examples of this are renting a movie at Blockbuster, buying a book at Barnes and Noble, picking out what we will eat for supper, helping me cook supper, getting to go out for a milkshake, getting to run errands with me alone, plus many more things. I allowed the kids to come up with a list of things they would want to work for and these were some of the items that were important to them. They get so excited when it come time to tally and hear what they have earned and can buy!

We have noticed a real difference in their attitudes towards each other. They are arguing less and are pretty nice to each other. They are more respectful of each other’s belongings and of their space. Their chores are done a little more effeciently and without having to be asked. Bedtime involves a whole lot less tattling and drinks and bathroom runs. All in all, our ticket system has been a success! The kids are able to use math to figure out how many tickets they have, how many they need and how many they’ll have left after “buying” something. They are learning to save up for what they really want. They are learning their actions have consequences. They are using social skills by improving their relationships with each other and they are developing bargaining skills as they barter each other for prizes or tickets. I’ve been impressed with them and they have loved the system. I am so happy we started our ticket system.