Ahh, the holidays. Family gatherings. Family dinners. Family togetherness. Sound cozy?
I love spending time with my extended family, but there’s always one or two relatives who make it their mission at every family event to convince me that I’m crazy. You know, because I homeschool my kids. I have many supportive and encouraging family members, but those people aren’t the ones whose words are left ringing in my ears on the way home.
No, the ones I remember are the ones who give my first grader workbooks because they noticed she didn’t know her coins the last time they visited. Or the ones who quiz my kids all day to make sure I’m actually teaching them. And I gotta love the relatives that say with an incredulous shake of the head…“You’re still doing that?” Any eloquence I may possess vanishes in the presence of these naysayers, and I usually fiddle with my hair and mutter, “Uh-huh.”
This is only my second year homeschooling and I am still a little on the defensive side. I long to be grown-up about the whole thing and not care what people think, but the truth is, I do care. Especially when I’m being told that I’m not going to be able to teach my daughters Chemistry or Algebra.
When I think about it, it’s the things I fear already that bother me most. It doesn’t bother me when the same people complain that I don’t earn a paycheck or keep a clean enough house, because I am okay with those things. But, bring up that my six year old doesn’t know her coins yet, and my stomach is in an instant twist. How dare these people bring up my hidden insecurities!
Just understanding why these things bother me helps. I can work on being more confident and ignoring rude remarks, so at least by the time I get home, I’m over it. I still have to survive those dinners though, so I’m working on some not-too-sarcastic ready-made responses for this upcoming season, and I would love some ideas.
What do you say when people you love rudely try to convince you to send your kids back to “normal” school?
Angela can be found blogging at Angela Mills: Ideas, Inspiration, and One Mama’s Musings.
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Yep, I remember those days. Just ignore them, they can't help it. After 9 years of homeschooling, all my relatives applaud me and talk about how great my kids are. It just takes time. Keep your chin up!
My skin is a lot tougher now that I've homeschooled my kids for 11 years. I think I've just come to accept the fact that some people will never agree with or understand my desire to homeschool. Though most family members have come to accept that we homeschool and will continue to do so, there are still a few that barage us with questions. Before the get together I brainstorm all the possible questions I could encounter- now it's usually about college, sports and yes, algebra- I form a reply in my mind so when the naysayers appear, I'm ready. Also, even if you aren't, act confident. They are less likely to continue to torment someone that is able to defend their reasons for homeschooling. Develop a statement as to why you homeschool. If all else fails, smile and change the subject. Loved your post!
Well, I've been homeschooling for 7 years now and I have to agree with "The Ties that Bind Us." After a while your relatives will see "the proof in the pudding" and leave you alone. As your children grow up well-adjusted, intelligent, and creative – the naysayers will eventually be quiet. Or they will eventually completely write you off as crazy and quit making comments. Either way, just ignore them – you are in control of whether or not you let them bother you.
On the other hand, I have found that many people are genuinely curious about homeschooling – relatives and non-relatives alike. It is important that when we are feeling defensive that we do not color innocent comments in the light of our own defensiveness. I am not saying that you do that – that is something I do when I am feeling defensive.
Have a great holiday and don't let your extended relatives get you down!
Samantha
One word is effective to whatever subject is brought up. On Thanksgiving, my nephew said "My kid is going to public Kindergarten…so he can get the right socialization."
I just said, "Really? Your child can only get properly socialized in public-run Kindergarten?" He said "Yes." I just said "Oh." and continued eating. That was that.
He's a product of daycare centers and public school, in which he was a less-than-stellar student. My sister was never able to stay home with them. So…what do you expect him to say?
This is my second year homeschooling and I live in Washington State where homeschooling is VERY common. I have 2 statements for those who give me grief: 1. Every family has to do what is right for their family. There are many options and this is the one that is working best for us. and 2. Homeschooling is part of my calling as a mother and woman of God. It fills me more than it drains me. And yes, I am willing to homeschool them all the way through high school – it will depend on what is right for each kid and our family (see #2).
Thank you for the great post! I am a new reader and new to homeschooling. My oldest is only 3, but I've already had family members look at me with shock when I mention homeschooling. And, yes, I've also gotten the, "Well, I don't think I could teach my child calculus" comment. I find it so interesting that no one ever questions someone who sends their children to public schools, but once they find out you're thinking about homeschooling the labels, stereotypes, and misconceptions come flying. I guess I'll just take the advice given and be patient until I've had enough time to show them that it can work and work well. Thanks again!
I say the proof is in the pudding. That God called us to homeschool and that I will follow that until he says otherwise. I know it is hard-even after 15+ years of it-my folks and other not so polite relatives, still ask "dumb questions" (like "do you miss not having friends?" which they do have, or "what about prom?" that is the lamest-esp. since my 2 oldest attended at least 2 a piece, and I certainly wouldn't have a kid in PS for a dance!) and since we're the only ones on my side, or hubby's side or even extended fam who homeschools their kiddos-I feel a tad lonely, but know deep in my heart that I am doing what is best for our kids. You can always say, "Thanks for your concern, but these are our children and we are doing what we feel is the best for them." Then to be a real bugger-LOL-just add, "Have you heard/seen all the nasty stuff coming out of the PS system?" Or if they are Christian, remind them that God called the parents to be first in line behind Him in raising their own children-not a corrupt and twisted anti-God government. If that doesn't help-tell em to give me a call-I can lay their fears to rest-my two oldest have excelled and are better prepared than most of their peers who did attend PS. They (naysayers) are doing it b/cuz they know they can get you upset. Stand firm then-
And if it gets crazy and they have kids-go ahead and ask the PS ones if they know stuff-like what the 7 Continents are, or anything history related-as they usually gloss over all of that-
Seriously-just thank them for their concern and let them know that if it truly bothers them to take it up with the Lord. That ought to shut em up.
Hang in there girl! You are on the right track-don't let anyone derail you!!!!
Blessings-
Weeeellll, I would like to say that I have an answer like Jennifer (might steal hers), but the one time I was asked about it, I fumbled around like an idiot. I have made it a goal to be able to articulate my reasons in a well thought out manner, but I am not there yet.
I am fortunate to have a degree in Civil Engineering and to have worked in that field before quitting to have kids. No one has ever suggested I would not be able to teach my kids math or science, and I wouldn't put any stock in it if they did. I don't know much about art or music or social studies, but I know how to find out – and isn't that what school is for? To teach our kids how to find out what they want or need to know? I subscribe to the "school isn't about filling empty vessesls, it's about lighting a flame" philosophy.
Plenty of public school teachers teach subjects they weren't trained in – I had a friend with a political science degree who taught remedial reading.
You can't control the way someone thinks about homeschooling or anything else, but you can be a good example. Time will tell – is really true here. As time goes by your children will really shine, and not because of the academics you've taught them but because of the life lessons you've had together and the bond you all will share.
That's one of the great things about homeschooling blogs, and groups…. you realize you are not alone… :)
When I was growing up and being homeschooled, many people had never even heard of it. And those who had, thought it was crazy. I quickly learned, even as a child, how to defend it.
Now that I'm a senior in college and majoring in education, I've had to learn how to defend it even more. My advice to all of you is to do some research reading. (Many can be found on Home School Legal Defense's website.)
Quick responses to:
Socialization – Studies have shown homeschoolers are BETTER socialized and adjusted that public school kids.
Academics – Studies have shown that homeschoolers almost always outperform public school peers.
Not qualified – Chances are one of the teachers in your child's school isn't qualified to teach what he/she is teaching. Many aren't.
Citizenship – Studies show that homeschoolers make for better citizens. Almost all vote and are involved in politics and regularly contribute to the community. There have been no reports of homeschool graduates on welfare.
Hope that helps!
Morgan
http://fromthedeskofateacher.blogspot.com/
Wow, what great comments here! You guys have given me a lot to think about. After reading Morgan's comment, I also thought about how I want my girls to grow up and be able to articulate for themselves why we homeschool. The best way I can do that is set an example. Thanks!
Oh Morgan, you made my day!
We are first-time homeschoolers and the debates have gotten heated, unfortunately. Mainly between my hubby and his sisters. I was hoping it wouldn’t go there but it did. We have adopted the attitude that we have prayed and believe we are following the Lord’s will for OUR family, not anybody else’s. I would have to argue that no one has spent more time than you praying for your children and the direction of their future. I am sure this will come up again in the future so my response will be “I am so grateful for your prayers as we continue to follow the Lord’s leading.”
There are 3 topics that cause more strife between mothers (and other people offering advice) and they are:
Breastfeed vs. bottle feed
Stay-at-home or work
Homeschool or Public/private school
To me, these are all very personal matters and decisions. I would like to ask someone who doubts my ability to homeschool if they also have any input on my ability to breastfeed my next child (if we are blessed with more). I may get a crazy look. lol
Okay, one more thing (sorry so long)…why is it we are capable of giving 24-hour-round-the-clock-care for our children for the first 5 years of their lives but all at once we stop being able to be their caretakers? Is 5 the magic number where we stop knowing what’s best for our child and must hand them over to an institution for the next 13 years?
Rant over.
Blessings!