If you are a homeschooling mother and have been homeschooling for any length of time (more than a day perhaps) you have probably had a conversation similar to the one that I recently had again:
“What grade is your daughter in?”
“She’s in 7th grade now.”
“Where does she go to school?”
“Actually, I homeschool my children.”
“That’s great, wow! Oh, I could NEVER homeschool my kids. You must be so… insert word of choice – patient, organized, energetic“ (This statement is said with a mixture of wonder, amazement, and outright horror passing over the mother’s face).
Now, I never know what to say next. After being in this situation so many times, I still only manage to mumble weakly that I’m sure they would do a good job. Hopefully, the topic will then drop.
After these conversations, I have often wondered if I have some incredible combination of exceptional qualities that has enabled me to get up every day and teach my children at home for the past 7 years. I have decided, sadly, that I simply do not. I’m not nearly as organized as some moms. I’m not nearly as enthusiastic as some moms. And, I’m not nearly as patient as some moms. Having said that, I do think that to homeschool my children, I do need to be somewhat organized, enthusiastic, and patient. I also think that the best training ground for me to actually BECOME more organized, enthusiastic, and patient has been homeschooling my kids.
I remember sitting in church when my children were very young and I would pray for patience. I wanted to wake up one day and be filled with patience, never-ending patience. But, for me, my prayers were not granted in that way. Slowly, over time, as I learned to slow down and wait for the littles in my life, to cut them some slack and realize that mess and incovenience is really part of the blessing of having children, I DID develop patience. Years of reciting spelling lists, sitting and reading aloud to my children, listening to my children read, helping with math problems, etc. have definitely helped in my development of patience.
What about organization? How has homeschooling helped me to become more organized? For me, I need a plan and I enjoy days where nobody is crying (particularly me). Becoming more organized in terms of our homeschool has definitely helped our days run much smoother over the years. Workboxes, assignment sheets, unit study plans, looking ahead to determine what art supplies will be needed, reserving library books and videos ahead of time, setting aside a specific time for grading and planning – all of those organizational tasks add up to smoother school days for me.
What about enthusiasm? Reading books related to homeschooling, evaluating curriculum choices, attending homeschool conferences, listening to speakers on CD, reading homeschooling blogs, learning new skills – all of these things keep me learning. Hopefully, my enthusiasm for learning transfers to my children on a daily basis.
What else do I think has really helped me be able to homeschool my children?
- Knowing why I homeschool my children – Homeschooling is a long and often bumpy road (at times with falling rocks). Knowing WHY I decided to homeschool and remembering those reasons have helped to keep me on the homeschooling path when I have to dodge falling rocks.
- Support from important others – Truly, to be quite blunt, I simply have quit caring what people think about our decision to homeschool. Some folks I know approve, some don’t, that’s completely fine. But, I could not homeschool if it was driving a wedge between my husband and myself. For me, the support of my husband is crucial to my ability to be a successful homeschooling mother.
- Letting Things Slide to Avoid Burnout – I firmly believe that no homeschooling mother can do everything all of the time and not get burned out. I try to cut my family and myself some slack and not get worked up about every little thing. I have learned that a productive learning environment cannot be achieved in my home without a calm, relatively happy me.
So, what do you think are the most important qualities to foster in yourself and in your home to be able to successfully homeschool your children?
Has homeschooling made you more patient, enthusiastic, and organized over the years?
Do you have a great response to “Oh, I could NEVER homeschool!”
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
This is our first year homeschooling and until about a year ago I was that mom that said “I could never homeschool!” I didn’t think I had those magical gifts that homeschool mom’s have. I still don’t. So far, it just takes the knowing why I want to and the desire to do it.
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I hear that a lot. And I get questioned even more about our decision to homeschool one child and not the other. And actually my response for that and the “I could never homeschool” statement is the same. Which is you do what is best for your children. And that if you really felt you needed to, were compelled to, had to, were called to do so – you too could homeschool. It usually makes them think! :-)
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This was great. I’ve heard this comment many many times already and my oldest is only 3! I never know whether to be flattered or not ;) So far, my tactic has been to just smile and maybe say something like, “Well, I’m definitely not perfect.” A homeschooling friend and I were talking about this the other day and we both agreed that it’s not because we are extremely patient or organized–it’s because we hope to become so. For me, reading the words of other homeschoolers (through books or online) and reminding myself of my long-term goals have helped keep me focused and enthusiastic.
.-= Raven´s last blog ..Book Review ~ Teaching Montessori in the Home: The Pre-School Years =-.
I’ve heard this many times in the past 5 years of homeschooling. I know I’m not perfect but my response is that anyone can do it if you are lead to do it. Keeping yourself motivated can be hard sometimes but then God graciously reminds me of why I continue to homeschool my children.
.-= Dianna @ SincerelyMe´s last blog ..I Got my packages… =-.
Great post! I love your statement that one of the best ways to get organized, etc. IS to homeschool!
My response to that statement is to laugh and say, “Oh, sure you could. You wouldn’t believe how many people who are now homeschooling once said that.”
.-= Sarah at SmallWorld´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Rocker =-.
My response to that type of comment is that I’ve always loved tutoring. One of the reasons I homeschool is simply because it’s the best way for me to ensure one on one time with my children. I also point out that there are plenty of helps available, I’m certainly not having to do everything from scratch.
It doesn’t mean that I’m good at being patient or organized with any other part of my domestic life (maintaining a household is not my strong point).
[there's also the fact that my husband works 3:30 pm to midnight which means he's around to help during our normal lesson times and also means that regular schooling is currently not a feasible option as he wants to see our school age children during the week]
I usually say something like “well you know yourself best” We all know our own strengths and weaknesses, for some they may absolutely not be able to homeschool and that is their reality.
Wow. Great post…I needed to read this today! I just wrote this morning about refocusing on our mission statement, which is: Nurture, cherish, connect, guide, love. I’ve found that when I’ve prayed for patience I don’t just become patient…I get opportunities to EARN it. And I see how organized I NEED to be. I’m not there yet!!!! I am also pregnant and NOT very energetic or creative these days…so I am working on putting away the guilt, doing what we can and staying stress free!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..52/365 =-.
Thank you for all of the thoughtful comments – I am glad to learn that I am NOT the only one who hears these kinds of statements! Many of you have much, much better responses to “Oh, I could NEVER homeschool” than I do – I’ll have to remember some of them for the next time I’m in that situation.
Samantha
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Your column really struck a chord with me – thank you!
Absolutely I am more patient, better organized and (mostly) more enthusiastic because I homeschool. Just being a committed parent would have taken me part of the way, of course, but the additional “friction” of having my children home with me nearly 24-7 has brought me so much further along the path to holiness. With a bazillion sometimes seemingly-insurmountable bumps as I go, naturally. :)
I really like the responses to the “I could never” comment. (I’ve even had the addition of, “I don’t envy you.”) I’ll have to file those away!
For me, I’ve noticed that first, many parents do “homeschool”: they send their kids to public schools and then spend evenings re-teaching and “helping” with homework and projects. The second is that there definitely is not a difference in talent or ability between me and non-homeschooling parents; the difference is that we’ve identified homeschooling as (currently) the best option for us, and I’m willing to sacrifice my time and even my very self to make it happen. That spirit of sacrifice is something often missing in our world today, and to me the lack of it is the single biggest reason more parents don’t homeschool. I know I do best at my homeschooling when I foster that sense of joyful service to my family, which ultimately is joyful service to God. It doesn’t necessarily make me any less exhausted, but it shows my temptations to stop homeschooling as the trivial and basicially selfish objections that they usually are. :)
Finally, our decision to homeschool was pretty much cemented when my oldest was diagnosed at age 7 with Asperger’s Syndrome, and the psychologist looked right at us and said, “It’s so great for him that you are able to homeschool. Kids like him get bullied every day in the school system.”
I don’t think I’ve ever gotten that, thank goodness. I’m not sure I’d be able to come up with a good answer.
Here in silicon valley, the response I get most is “Oh! Good for you!”. The next most likely is, “Oh, we did that for a few years, too!” (said in a happy way).
On the other hand, I only mention it if I’m confronted point blank. :D
I do get that a lot. People think I am either a genious or I’m crazy. I must have a lot of patience! I believe that the Lord had given me patience before, but I never had the patience one needs to be a homeschooling mom. I love children and have worked with children a long time. But everything that I need to be a succesful homeschooler comes from the Lord. There are days when I want to give up. There are many days that go by when I wonder if the children even learned any thing. But each day, the Lord gets me through it. I am learning so much. I am growing as a person. I am becoming more organized.
I have 4 children ages 2, 4, 7, and 9. I am currently teaching my two older children 2nd grade. They love it. When I hear stories from moms who send their children to school, I am so glad that I made the choice to homeschool.
I think anyone can homeschool. But to be able to keep homeschooling…you need The Lord. And a drive to keep going when things get tough. I have prayed for a desire to homeschool and I had to fight to be able to do it.
My response is, how do you know if you have never tried? Sometimes this leads to a discussion that allows me to educate people on home school options. Recently, a couple I know actually had an argument because she wanted to and her husband did not. This was a little uncomfortable but he’s an a$$ anyway. l.o.l.
I really needed to hear this today! Having just spent a few hours with my own mother who is a primary school teacher (as is my sister) and again broaching the subject that my husband and I want to homeschool our daughter (she’s only 9 months) the conversation did not go well again. She always responds with the benefits of being in a classroom full of children and either doesn’t listen or glosses over the benefits of homeschooling. Oh well – I have time to get all those good answers clear in my head before I really have to use them! I already feel ‘called’ to homeschool our daughter and it sounds like that’s where the homeschool bug bites – its a desire that you just feel in your bones it seems!
Natalia,
I was just checking my e-mail in the midst of our busy homeschool day and your comment on my article was in my inbox. I felt compelled to jot a quick reply. I just wanted to strongly encourage you to do what you and your husband feel led to do. You don’t need to convince anybody else that you are making the best decision for your family. If your mom comes around she does, if she doesn’t, then she doesn’t. I often remind myself that my parents (in-laws) had their chance to raise children and make the decisions – now it’s my chance.
Most likely, your relatives will be more positive once they see how well homeschooling works for your family. I’ve been homeschooling for 8 years now and just the other day my darling sister-in-law (who was always very supportive of our homeschooling) told me that I had proved her wrong. I had no idea what she was talking about. She went on to tell me that she was worried about our homeschooling because she thought the kids would not be socialized properly. She said that my kids are some of the best socialized kids she knows. They can talk to those older and younger than themselves and age group peers with no trouble.
Since your daughter is young, you have lots of time to get plugged into a support group, find resources in your area, and do lots of reading. Best of blessings as you embark on the wonderful journey of homeschooling!
Samantha
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