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I am a rookie homeschool mom. We have only been at this for a year and a half, and some how I thought we would be further in when it happened. I guess that shows just how new I am! It happened to me just last week, and it hurt me so badly I nearly left the room because I thought I would cry.
“I don’t want to do school! I don’t like doing school!”
Gasp! What?! How can this be?! We homeschool.
I guess you can call me an idealist when it comes to our homeschooling adventure. Sure, I have felt the slight heat of burn out once or twice in my over zealous planning and we have gotten “behind” when days or weeks didn’t go quite right. There have been lessons the girls haven’t been super excited about and some days have been longer than others.
But it was about the journey. It is about the journey, right?
As long as we are fostering a lifetime love of learning and are moving forward, things are good, aren’t they? After all, I had envisioned long afternoons of paper mache and reading classic novels. Baking home-made treats together and teaching them to sew by hand. Building rockets on the weekends and hiking on trails together as we drew and labeled the flora and fauna in our nature study sketch books.
Then what happens when those dreaded words come — loudly and adamantly? My first instinct was that I had failed. In just a year and a half, I had broken my daughter of her love for books and number songs. I had lost her. She didn’t care how much time I spent picking out the books we used or the videos I had borrowed special from the library co-op. She didn’t understand that I was so excited over this particular lesson because I had planned a craft that I thought was particularly unique and I was excited I had come across it. Nope.
Wait, this isn’t about me? Oh yeah, it is about her.
It seems simple, but it took me a few days to really let this fact sink in. It didn’t matter how much I planned or enjoyed the lessons, there were going to be things she just didn’t like learning. There were going to be activities she didn’t like doing. There were going to be math facts she would never want to repeat again. And it wasn’t about me. It was about being a kid and wanting to play instead of practicing reading right now. It was about getting through the basics and learning them well enough to build on them with the things she really wanted. It was about that day, that moment and that’s it. Because for her, 10 minutes later, everything was different.
My shocking day sent me talking to my homeschool friends. It turns out I wasn’t the only one to have that day. Some friends could tell me the exact day when they realized their kids weren’t always going to be excited little learners, and some said it had happened more gradually. Some changed their strategy on that day, some adjusted by adding more activities or games, and some just pushed through knowing their kids were going to have to learn to do things they didn’t like to do. And they survived and are stronger for it.
I am a little more seasoned because of this. I now know there are going to be days, lessons, units, and subjects that we will just have to get through together.
Sure, we can adjust our approach, we can use a new book, but in the end, we still have to learn the material. Some days, that might mean dealing with grumpy faces, big sighs, and a general lack of excitement. Those are now the days that I know I am most needed as a mother and a teacher. Instead of making it about me and becoming discouraged or disappointed, I know now that I can be an encourager, a supporter, a cheerleader and when all else fails, I can be the little engine that pulls us through. I can be the one that teaches them how to pull through.
I think I learned a few important things from this experience. First, begin every day with the end in mind. It is about them learning and building character, not about this project or worksheet or even this lesson. Second, reach out — even for the little things. Other people have had similar experiences and sometimes it is uplifting to know you aren’t alone. It might even provide some things to laugh about.
Have you had a day/week that made you question your decision to homeschool? Or maybe your sanity?
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so true. Thanks for sharing your experience. I have had that happening in our homeschool as well (2 years in), and that is what i have come to realize as well, of course with the help of other homeschoolers. It is so liberating when we know that it is about a higher and farther goal, forming and training young lives, and not about us.
.-= Joelle´s last blog ..Sunday Hymn =-.
Wow, you had a good year and a half! :) My 6yo goes from loving school and telling everyone she knows how much she loves homeschool to whining and grumbling that she hates school depending on her mood for the day. I don’t take it personally, and fortunately the great days far outweigh the bad ones. It just comes with the territory when you have a really “passionate” kid. She either loves it or hates it, no in between. Sometimes, if she’s really hating school that day we’ll just skip some things and spend our day reading and snuggling.
I love your point about starting with the end in mind each day! I need to remember that.
.-= Angela @ Homegrown Mom´s last blog ..10 Novels I Read Over and Over (and Over) Again =-.
It sounds like you are a very wise woman from your article! With years of homeschooling under my belt and currently homeschooling a 7th, 5th, and 3rd grader – it comes as no surprise to me that children don’t always enjoy school – no matter how much we prepare or try to make things interesting.
Actually, my daughter pointed out to me the other day that she had noticed that all the really hard things were “character-building.” Hmmm, I wonder where she heard that?
I do try really, really hard to make school interesting for my children, to work to their strengths and work with their weaknesses but…sometimes school isn’t very fun…and sometimes school is just very hard. Memorizing multiplication tables, diagramming sentences, and word problems have all been hard for at least one of my children, for example. And sometimes we’d rather be doing something else.
I have come to realize that is just the way it is – and that lesson is an important one to learn also. It sounds like you’ve already figured that out!
Samantha
.-= Samantha´s last blog ..Scale Model Solar System =-.
“Those are now the days that I know I am most needed as a mother and a teacher. Instead of making it about me and becoming discouraged or disappointed, I know now that I can be an encourager, a supporter, a cheerleader and when all else fails, I can be the little engine that pulls us through. I can be the one that teaches them how to pull through.”
Thanks, I needed this particular lesson. The last thing my daughter needs is for mom to throw a tantrum right alongside her. Although, some days it is tempting. I find that some hard topics benefit from a waiting period. If my daughter doesn’t get something, I’ll move on to another subject and let her absorb it over a few days. Almost every time, she’s gets it the next time we go over it. But, she’s only in kindergarten, so we have more freedom to do that.
Thanks for a wonderful post,
Ana
.-= Ana´s last blog ..How to fix a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad day =-.
Wow! I so needed to (hear) read this! Thanks for posting it. I think I may just print it out and keep it close to me for when I need to be reminded!
We just started hs my 4th grader this past January and I knew that there was going to be an adjustment time. I just didnt realize that her not liking hs was going to hurt my feelings so bad. You were so right when you said, “I felt like I failed”
Things are better these past couple of weeks but I know there is an bad mood on the rise…. just like the rest of us, all of us.
Thanks,
Aimee
.-= Aimee´s last blog ..So hard to say goodbye… =-.