Like a competitive swimmer poised to step up onto the starting block for an important race, my daughter is poised to step up to the starting block of a different kind of course – the high school years. When we started homeschooling over 7 years ago, not everybody that we knew was supportive of our decision nor did we expect them to be. But, over time, the supportive became even more supportive and the naysayers either gave up on us or were convinced that we weren’t ruining our children by homeschooling them.
The years went by and I became quite used to the lack of questions about our decision to homeschool our children. But now lately, particularly within the last year, the questions and concerns from others have started drifting our way again.
Are people concerned that I might not be able to figure out that fancy microscope we purchased for Biology? Are folks concerned that we can successfully cover higher level math in our homeschool? Are our acquaintances worried that my daughter might not receive adequate preparation to do well on the SAT?
Well, no, no, and no. For the most part, folks don’t seem at all concerned about the academics of high school. I suppose I should take that as a great compliment but, mostly, it just confuses me.
So, if the naysayers aren’t worried about my daughter receiving an adequate college-prep education in our homeschool, what are their concerns? The questions that we have been fielding are concerned with two issues – my daughter’s swimming and my daughter’s social life.
To understand the first line of questioning, you must know a bit about my daughter. She is absolutely and completely passionate about and devoted to competitive swimming. She practices 6 days a week, with double practices in the summer. This summer, she will be spending 18 hours practicing in the pool with an additional 2 hours of dry-land exercises. At 13, she has already competed at USA Sectionals and has the goal of making Junior National time cuts before she turns 14. She works extremely hard, is incredibly dedicated, and has been gifted with talent in swimming.
So, it does seem reasonable to me that people would question us about high school and swimming. Perhaps we might feel differently if she could no longer swim competitively during the high school years – I imagine we would. But, through USA Swimming, my daughter will continue to swim and practice with the same team. She will continue to compete in swim meets, both locally and regionally. She will continue to pursue her goal of attending a national level meet. Many people are completely satisfied with that answer but others still encourage us to visit this school or that school so that she will be able to swim on a high school swim team.
While I understand others’ concerns given my daughter’s commitment to swimming, I also sometimes wonder - why is this the issue that is brought up again and again? Why is the issue of high school sports a more salient concern than high school academics?
The other line of questioning is one for which I truly find myself, even after all these years, stumped for answers. My daughter, my husband, and I are often accosted by the naysayers about the detrimental effect of homeschooling on my daughter’s teenage social life. I suppose it is just a different spin on the “socialization” question. Perhaps it is hard to argue that my daughter is not properly socialized if you know her. The concerns about socialization have been replaced with concerns about my daughter missing the high school experience.
What about her social life? She won’t be able to go to the prom! Where is she ever going to find somebody to date?
Wow, I simply don’t know what to say to questions and comments like those. Usually I mumble something like, “My daughter has many friends and is quite happy.” And then I try to change the subject as quickly as possible.
As well, the idea of a universal “high school experience” is laughable at best. The student attending a $28,000.00 + per year private academy is going to have a different high school experience than the student attending an underfunded small high school. The student attending a public high school in an affluent suburb is going to have a different high school experience than the student attending a run-down school where gang activity is a viable threat. The homeschooler is going to have a different high school experience than the exchange student.
The idea that there is one high school experience is simply a falsehood. Even within the same school walls, the girl with lots of peer acceptance will have a different high school experience than the high school girl who is picked on by her peers. There is no universal high school experience, except perhaps in the minds of those who have long forgotten the painful parts of their high school years and replaced the hard memories with only the happy highlights.
I imagine that in the next year or so we will continue to field questions and concerns about our decision to continue homeschooling our daughter. So, how do you deal with others’ concerns about homeschooling through high school? How do you feel about the importance that our culture seems to place on a teenager’s social life? Do you have any really good answers when folks put you on the spot about homeschooling through high school?
Samantha writes about homeschooling and family life at To Be Busy At Home. This summer, when she is not driving her children to swim team practice, she will be trying to figure out that fancy, new microscope she purchased for Biology.
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Great post! And yes! My oldest begins high school in September and the questions and doubt have begun again. I just don’t understand the thought proess behind it. In fact, we’re moving to a foreign country and one our family members (who is really excited for us to experience this new country) asked me if I would be putting my son in public school over there.
LOL What?? The fact that we’re homeschooling has helped to afford us this opportunity :) He explained that there are really good schools over there. I just shrugged, shook my head and told him “At this point, homeshcooling is our lifestyle. It works for us.”
Cheryl@SomewhatCrunchy´s last [type] ..Submitting To Our Husbands : Tips For Beginners
I have graduated one from high school already and my middle son starts 9th in the fall. At this point I reply to concerns with, “That’s interesting.” Then I move on. Most people that discuss this topic don’t know from wherof they speak.
Regarding Prom….my oldest went to the local high school prom because a local girl asked him to go with her. (LOL- my poor socially deprived boy.) He went. Initially before homeschooling him one of his concerns was missing prom and at the time I told him some cute girl would probably ask him since he was so handsome – and of course mama is always right! Anyway, he went and I asked him how it was. His response? “Fine. The food was good.” LOL I asked if it would have been worth sitting at a desk day after day 7 hours a day for 4 years. He emphatically said, “NO WAY!” So, he got a good education AND the prom. :)
Mary´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday
Oh that I could have PLEASE been deprived of the ‘high school experience’ !!! I left HS feeling stupid, demoralized, unliked… Public school deprived me of socialization – I was socialized by kids – yeah, now that is a great idea. The more I am questioned about our choice to homeschool – and really, it is more of a curiosity as I live in WA where homeschool is very much mainstream – the more I wonder – were people really happy with the schooling they recieved? Do they think it prepared them for life? Did they learn how to think and reason and debate?
I am with Mary – say “interesting” and change the subject. It makes no sense to discuss our choices (complete with research and experience) with someone who has blindly put their child in public school without taking a really good look at what is best for the nature of their child as well as what and how and by whom the children are being taught.
Jennifer
Thanks for sharing this… I’ve always assumed I’ll homeschool through Junior High, but wanted my kids to have the opportunity to play sports in high school. I guess I never considered the option of club teams.
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Hi. As a mom who homeschools my children, I do sometimes worry about my kids missing out on certain experiences (not drug abuse, shootings, bullying, indocrination, teen pregnancy, etc., just the good stuff). But my wise 18 year old daughter let’s me know she isn’t missing anything… that one night at the prom would not be worth the trade off… (not to mention, homeschoolers can go to the prom. I took a boy to the prom who wasn’t even highschool age (older) the year I went to pub school). And there are church dances, too.
My daughter also pointed out to me that she wouldn’t want to trade all the crud she couldn’t stand about pub school, to get a couple things she would enjoy, and that there are plenty of other things to enjoy outside of pub school.
And my sons who are homeschooled all take a class or two here and there at the public schools. We just enroll them in what THEY are interested in taking. One of my sons has been in the band throughout Jr high, and will do the same in highschool. Another son is now in Boy Scouts.
One of the nice thing about homeschooling is that you CAN still attend the sports or particular classes of interest, without the classes that you don’t want (at least, we do here in Idaho… I don’t know what the laws are in other states); we do pay taxes for schooling!
It’s always good to listen to others… but in the end it’s best to pray for guidance and do what feels right to you. You and God know your kids and what is best for them more than anyone else ever could.
PS I think your daughter’s swmming accomplishments are remarkable and awesome! :D That is something that a flexible homeschooling environment probably helped with. ;) Give her my congrat’s! :D
I have a question, but wasn’t sure where to put it. :) I recently found your blog and my husband and I are prayerfully considering homeschooling our older two daugthers (4th and 7th grade, one ESL/ELL). My question relates to homeschooling and working – have your readers had any experience with homeschooling and working full or part time (outside or inside the home) and how have they managed to make that work? It is not possible for us to completely give up my income and we have been brainstorming ways to make it work… including a flex time schedule for my job, taking girls to work with me, working from home nights/weekends, etc… I’m concerned about burnout… :(
Cat – I would be happy to post this on Saturday as a reader question. That way, other readers will be able to chime in. :)
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I was just thinking about this the other day…someone was asking about prom. My first thought was that I went to prom, and all the other dances, and now as an adult I can’t remember why I ever thought it was such a big deal. I have memories, sure, but none I can’t live without. In fact, there are other aspects of my life in high school that I remember much more fondly. Very few of them were official school activities; most were just spontaneous get-togethers with friends, not much different than what my kids do with their friends. Making friends is not limited to the classroom, nor is the “social experience”. Honestly, what would they miss out on that they can’t have later in life? Lord willing, my kids will have 60+ years to dance and eat a fancy meal with their peers.
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Great article, and I bet that your daughter has time to practice so much because she is homeschooled, thus has more flexibility in her schedule!
My son will start 10th grade homeschool next year, and my daughter has two years to go and then will be in 9th. All of my kids have been homeschooled since the very beginning. Some of my friends (who send their kids to public school) and I have recently been having discussions about high school (their kids are in junior high currently). When these discussions come up, all I can do is to smile, nod, and pretty much mutter, “Interesting,” as Mary said in the comment above.
The thing to remember is that you are probably not going to convince the other person that homeschooling is your best choice and trying to may only get you in a huff.
For me, I am passionate about many of the reasons we homeschool, but my biggest priority is my children’s souls. I have to answer to God for their souls, and that is a huge responsibility. As Christians, we are called to be set apart from the world (not meaning isolated or overly sheltered) and that means that I will NOT be sending my children to our local public high school where they are not allowed to pray, there is no dress code (which is apparent by the scantily clad student body), and a large percentage of the girls are pregnant. Homeschooling my kids during high school and whatever that means for my kids is between me, my husband, and God. I don’t have to convince anyone of anything outside of that.
You know, I was homeschooled for high school in the late 70′s/early 80′s, when homeschooling wasn’t “cool.” I never rode the bus; I never went to prom; I never participated in competitive sports (bravo to your dd, by the way!); I never got to be in marching band; I never went through a high school graduation. But you know what? Today no one notices and it doesn’t affect my life and happiness one little bit.
Homeschooling your daughter for high school means SHE gets to decide what is most important in her life (with significant input from her parents, who are in the best possible position to influence her). It means she can put far more hours into swimming than she could if she went to school. It means if she is ready for college before she is 18, she can attend – as little or as much as she (and you) feel is wise. It means she can follow her other interests as well as swimming (something no competitive high school swimmer has time to do). It means you can look at her interests and get her involved in community activities that meet those (assuming she has time outside of swimming): community orchestra, chorale, theater, art shows, volunteer opportunities, apprenticeships, and so much more.
It also means she has time with her family, time to work if she needs/wants to, time to just lay on her bed if she’s feeling overwhelmed with life. It means you as her mom can say, “You know what, sweetie? Just forget that paper I assigned you – you are already overloaded with other responsibilities this week. You can do it next week.” (Not that you’ll do that all the time, but when the hormones and the swim meets and the schoolwork all intersect, sometimes you just need to, you know?)
There’s a fairly good chance you will discover some way to do prom or something like it. Either a friend from ps will invite your daughter, or you’ll find a homeschool prom, or you’ll learn about a homeschool Civil War Ball, or something else. If you don’t, your daughter hasn’t missed a whole lot; but if you look, you’ll probably find something.
Ditto with graduation – most state and local homeschooling organizations offer a homeschool graduation ceremony, and in most cases those graduations are FAR more meaningful than being one of 300 students crossing the stage. Often parents get to stand up and give a little speech and hand their child their diploma – something wonderful and special that just can’t be duplicated by the principal of a school of 1000 and the district superintendent.
Don’t accept it when people try to tell you what your daughter will miss out on. I’ve been working with homeschooled high schoolers for years, and I can tell you they are most definitely NOT deprived. Homeschooling is FAR better for high schoolers than public school can be. Kudos to you for persevering with what is best for your daughter! :)
Thank you for all of the extremely thoughtful, detailed, and supportive comments regarding my article. Thank you also for all of the wonderfully kind comments regarding my daughter’s swimming – I have passed them on to her.
I do so hope that anybody who reads the article will take the time to read the comments as the suggestions and personal stories shared in them have added so much to the original post.
One theme I found throughout the comments is that our homeschooled students do well “because of” being homeschooled, not “in spite of” being homeschooled. I wholeheartedly agree with the commenters who mentioned the flexibility of homeschooling as a huge benefit for teenagers pursuing multiple, time-consuming interests in their lives.
Thank you all again for the blessing of such great comments.
Samantha from To Be Busy At Home
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Even though I have been forced to seek employment due to the shrinking economy, we are still homeschooling. Our dd has already started some of her high school courses, even though she won’t technically be in high school until this fall. We feel strongly about hs’ing through the high school years, even with the additional challenges of balancing my f/t job.
I have a category on my blog that is dedicated to high school stuff. I also have one dedicated to working and homeschooling.
Loved your post! The website above is for the church that my husband and I pastor. I home school both of our daughters and have since the start. Amber is 15 and in the 10th grade and Shannon is 9 and in the 3rd grade. I too have fielded some of the exact same questions. At one time I even had one person have the nerve to tell my oldest daughter that she would be chewed up and spit out when she got out in the “real” world. To assume that my daughter has no idea about what goes on in the world is to assume that we keep her in some sort of bubble. If I’m not mistaken most people don’t know what the real world is truly like when they graduated high school, so why are you picking on my daughter? Both of my daughters are smart, kind, talented, witty, and very social. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it was truly inspiring.
Candy,
Thank you! I so appreciate your extremely kind comment. I’m so glad you found the article encouraging. I had to smile at your comment – I’m 41 and I’m still trying to figure out what the “real world” is!
Samantha
Samantha´s last [type] ..Reflections on Homeschooling- What About Friends – Will My Children Have Any Friends If I Homeschool- Part 2 – The Preschool Years
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