“But what about socialization?”
I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard that question, don’t you? It’s one of the most commonly asked questions related to homeschooling, and in my mind one of the easiest to answer.
Our boys have participated in Cub Scouts, AWANA, Sunday School, Classical Conversations, ice skating lessons, swimming lessons, play groups, pen-pal match-ups, nature center classes, library workshops, and a host of group field trips. In fact, our first year of homeschooling, we were so social, that is involved in so many extra-curriculars, that we had trouble finding time for school. Surprisingly, nobody ever asked, “But when do you have time to school?”
Fast forward a couple of years. We had found a balance between socializing and academics, but then came a new question, one uttered with a combination of surprise and horror: “They don’t play organized sports?”
The implication: not only were my husband and I denying our kids a social education in the public school system, but we were also depriving them of the joys of organized sports because, no, they weren’t a part of any organized sports teams.
Now, please understand, my boys are by no means couch potatoes. We swim, we ice skate, we hike, we fish, we kayak, we bowl, we ski, we snowshoe, we play games in the park, but the boys had yet to be part of an organized team sport. The suggestion that we were doing our children great harm was so oft repeated that we began to believe we were indeed allowing them to miss out. And so, we signed both boys up for a local swim team.
Our youngest, Connor, loved swim team, on his terms. By that I mean, he loved to practice, until he got too cold, and he loved the meets, when it was his turn to swim. The rest of the time, he was miserable. He cried every morning on the way to the pool, he pouted (and shivered) during practice, and he complained while waiting for his races. He was a good competitor. He won a stack of ribbons, but he wasn’t having fun.
Our oldest, Ryan, enjoyed the practices, but he just wasn’t fast enough to do well in the meets, and as a perfectionist, this was extremely difficult for him. He quickly became frustrated and discouraged, despite our best efforts to point out that he was improving his time and repeatedly earning personal bests… that put him in 21st place. Clearly, as much as the boys enjoyed swimming, swim team was not for them.
Next, we tried soccer. We decided to play on a homeschool team. Ryan works hard, but he is just not an athlete. He is never without a book in hand, and is happiest when reading, conducting a science experiment, or wandering through the woods. We thought perhaps a homeschool team would be more supportive of his efforts than a more competitive league, and they were, when he was given time to play, which wasn’t all that often. As for Connor, he would have probably preferred rugby to his soccer experience. He’s fast, he’s aggressive, and he was constantly being pulled out of games “to give the other team a chance to score a goal or two” which left him frustrated and discouraged. It looked like soccer wasn’t for us either.
After much discussion, we decided that for our family, non-competitive, individual sports and backyard pick-up games may just be the best thing. We certainly want our boys to remain active, we want them to develop active skills they will use for a lifetime, and we want them to know the basics of sports that they may end up playing at the playground or in the park as part of a pick-up game, but for now, we won’t be signing them up for organized team sports.
Do we feel that our kids are missing out by not participating in organized team sports? Not at all. They are active, they are social, and they are happy, and that, more than anything, is what we pray for our boys. They are learning baseball at the park with their Dad, they play pick-up games of basketball on the neighborhood court, and they play soccer one on one. They are learning team spirit, cooperation, and good sportsmanship the old-fashioned way, in their backyard!
Organized team sports are wonderful, for some families. For our family, at this time, they’re just not our thing, so for now, we’ll just keep having active fun with our favorite team: OUR FAMILY and friends!
What are your experiences with organized team sports? How do your children keep active outside of organized sports?
When Jennifer’s not totally worn out from playing catch, swimming, hiking, boating, and chasing after the boys all day, she blogs about family-life, homeschooling, and living with boys at Adventures in McQuill-land. Join her on Mondays for a celebration of memories of the past, stories from the present, and making memories for the future: Making Memories Monday, a weekly meme for sharing memories and good times!
I am right there with ya! I don’t understand when this phenomenon of organized sports became so imperative to a healthy childhood. 60 years ago organized sports weren’t looked upon like they are. Kids played sports and activities in the backyard or at the local park. I feel that pressure as well of people never really accepting homeschooling and looking for any way to debase it. Of course I have probably turned into the Focker parents from meet the Fockers. Lol. I’m ok with that! ;-)
At least for now we have backyard activities, too.
Flashback to when I was a child in Home School. We were part of a large Home School group and our parents arranged a Swim/Gym day at a local gymnasium. Every Tuesday we would head to the gym for Swim Lessons/Water Games, and Gym and Bowling Lessons. This took about 2 hours and we were split up into 3 groups (K-3rd, 4th-7th, and 8th-12th grades) to rotate through each category with Instructors from the gym in charge of each session. It was a lot of fun, socialization, and provided for our Physical Activity needs. I wish we had a gym like that where I live today.
Thanks for the article. I’ve thought about signing my son up for soccer or t-ball, but something has held me back. I wonder if I shoudn’t just wait until he asks to sign up for something.
I have two girls, so I get, “What do you mean they’re not in dancing?” My girls just aren’t into it. Instead, my oldest is in taekwondo (the youngest will join her next year), so she gets the group interaction without the competition pressure. We’ve also joined a local group for hs roller skating once a week, and the girls really love that so far.
My kids are young (DD is 3 and DS is 4), but I still feel immense pressure to have them enrolled in team sports – I have friends who’ve had their kids playing soccer since they were 2 1/2! We may try a homeschool soccer league next year, but I’d rather wait until they’re old enough to really enjoy it and participate in selecting what teams they want to be on (or what other activities they want to do).
My children love sports. Everything you sign them up for though is an investment. Not just a financial investment, but your time and your children’s time is also worth a lot. 3 of my children play soccer (we coach a 6 and under team.) They enjoy playing and even though it takes up a lot of time, the season only lasts 8 weeks. It is the only organized sport we play, but they play football, basketball, and do many other active things in the backyard. We are also involved in a small homeschool group, church, and are very active in 4-H.
I am starting to put my kids in organized sports – this is our first year. I never got to do it as a kid but always wanted to, so I want to at least give our kids the opportunity to try it out. If they don’t like it, well, soccer is only an 8-week season. We’ll stick it out for that long, and move on to try something else. Or maybe they will really take to it and we’ll keep going with it. Either way is good with me – I just want to find something that they enjoy, and I’m willing to give organized team sports a shot.
We used to do it all, every season- baseball, basketball, soccer, swimming, plus homeschool, music lessons and co-op! We became so burnt out, it was awful-rush, rush, rush. We haven’t done any extras in two years, (except co-op) and it has been such a blessing. We’re FINALLY feeling refreshed and ready to add an activity back in, but only ONE! :)
We stopped all our extra murals two years ago… I had been dragging my kids from pillar to post – because “one must” – we have never looked back. We stopped at the end of the school year and never got going again!!! My kids are more athletic than ever, have time to run on the beach. We can and do go hiking once or twice a week… When we figured out the cost of swimming lessons for all our kids over two summers we realized we were better off putting in a pool. Our kids can swim all afternoon – not just a thirty minute slot twice a week and they don’t have to drive forty minutes each way to get there!!! If one of my kids develops a sporting passion I am all for following it but in the meantime could we just calm down and have some fun!!!
No organized sports for us.
But then most of my children are the shy, dodge any ball that comes there way sort.
Although based on his block and tackle I think my 2 yr old might have been born for football:D
I found this to be a very interesting post. I’m not quite sure why there would be more pressure on homeschool families to have their children enrolled in organized sports than those who go to public or private schools, perhaps it is just more of the same socialization issue with which homeschoolers are often confronted.
I’m the “homeschooling swim mom x 3″ on my blog so it’s pretty easy to guess what my kids do. All three of my kids are involved in USA swimming. My daughter, in particular, is absolutely passionate about swimming and she works unbelievably hard and she’s 13.
Based only on my own personal experience, I think that sometimes children are just not ready for team sports at early ages. We tried our middle son Mason in t-ball when he was about 4. He just wanted to play in the sand at the games – he simply wasn’t ready to play t-ball. Now, at 12, he loves being on a swim team.
Team sports take a tremendous amount of time and energy from the parents of the young athletes. My daughter has practice every night and Saturday mornings. We give up entire week-ends to swim meets regularly. But, the kids love it, they are thriving in the sport, and they want to continue. My daughter dreams of swimming at the Olympic Time Trials and given her dedication and hard work, her dream may come true.
For our family, team sports are an integral part of our life. BUT, given the time commitment it just isn’t something that I would be willing to continue if my children were not dedicated to it. I don’t give rewards for good performance, I don’t nag them to go to practice, I don’t listen to complaints of any kind about their sport. If I had to do any of those things, we simply wouldn’t be doing it – it’s just too much time and effort.
On the flip side, swimming has given all of my kids excellent physical exercise, self-confidence, practice in goal-setting, and a place to make friends with similar interests.
So, my long rambling comment is meant to support your post – organized sports MUST be a passion for the children. If it’s not, I see no compelling reason to force children to participate in organized sports given the time involved. Forcing children to get active and exercise, though, is another matter altogether!
It sounds like you are doing what is exactly right for your family at this time.
Samantha
I so totally agree with you! I have two kids. Both of them are fit. We have a backyard pool and they swim all summer. They play badminton. They ride their bikes all over the ‘hood! We camp. We love canoeing. But neither has ever been interested in the competitive team thing. They are into it for fun. Once parents start yelling at them (and that DOES happen, you can’t deny) – it’s not fun for them anymore. Both of them started instruments – cello and bass. They LOVE it. They are both in their school orchestra and guess what – at the concerts, no parent has ever stood up and yelled at them for making a mistake. It’s a group effort – no one can even tell WHO made the mistake. That’s REAL team spirit if you ask me.